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How to Have a Good Fight

August 14, 2005
Speaker: Randal Myers

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How to Have a Good Fight

Types of fights

Good Fight: Everyone wins and great unity results

Bad Fight: No one wins and the battle has just begun.

Why is the way we fight important?

"Patterns in how couples fight can predict their likelihood of divorce with up to 90% accuracy." - Dr. John Gottman, University of Washington

"How you argue, especially how you end an argument, can determine the long term success or failure of your relationship." - Dr. Phil McGraw, Professional Psychologist

If you keep on biting and devouring each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other. - Galatians 5:15

Keys to Good Conflict Resolution

Guard Your Tongue

From the fruit of his mouth a man's stomach is filled; with the harvest from his lips he is satisfied. The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit. - Proverbs 18:20-21

Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell - James 3:5-6

Learn to Listen

Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak... - James 1:19

Don't Let Anger Rule

My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires. - James 1:19-20

"In your anger do not sin": Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold. - Ephesians 4:26-27

Recognize the True Source of Conflict

What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don't they come from your desires that battle within you? You want something but don't get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask God. - James 4:1-2

Seek Resolution not Conquest

Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble. Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing. For, "Whoever would love life and see good days must keep his tongue from evil and his lips from deceitful speech. He must turn from evil and do good; he must seek peace and pursue it. - 1 Peter 3:8-11

Conclusion

God sets the standards and directs the path.

In marriage, it's not ìmy journey,î it's ìour journey.î

Are you allowing God to set the course for journey together?

Would you like to study this topic further?

Detailed lesson outlines, audio tapes, and compact discs of this lesson are available free of charge from the Highlands church of Christ.

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